My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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