i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
