no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
