please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
