I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
