that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
