Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
