am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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