At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
