Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
