i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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