Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
a search helicopter?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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