That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
