I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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