I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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