I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize