I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
