I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
