Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
