are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
