You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
