just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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