i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
