I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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