I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just had sex bonerless
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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