Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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