You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
