I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
