I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
