Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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