I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
