I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
