youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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