I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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