So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
