It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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