I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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