So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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