70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
