this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
BRING THE BAGELS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
