I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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