The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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