bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
