Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
