I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
