And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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