kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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