I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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