rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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