k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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