the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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