If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
