If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
