Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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