No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
