and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize