mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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