I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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