Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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