I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
