I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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