Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
