He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
