Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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