I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
