Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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