How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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